Therapists Diana and Michael Richardson reveal seven ‘golden rules’ to facilitate the love of couples in these times when it is hampered by covid-19 and its repercussions, with a vision based on the self-awareness of our senses and emotions. February 14, Valentine’s Day
The impossibility of leading a life “like the old one” and the limitations in travel and physical contact due to the coronavirus crisis, added to the sustained stress and anxiety caused by the situation, have mental, psychological and emotional impacts that affect couples.
But there are tools that help overcome these new difficulties in communication and relationship that now add to the common problems in couples, according to Diana and Michael Richardson, specialists in conscious sexuality and love.
They point out that many people find it difficult to sustain love, although they try and, without understanding the reasons, they get into conflict all the time, or how a happy relationship ends up turning into hell.
“Sometimes, in a fraction of a second, the person they love the most becomes the one they hate the most,” they lament.
For the Richardsons, the answer to this mystery must be found in emotions, which often cloud the vision of love, push to project ghosts of the past on the other, and prevent reaching what is most longed for: the construction of deep connections.
Emotions that “rise and fall”
Diana Richardson is a professor of body therapies and the author of an approach: ‘generative sexuality’, based on Eastern Tantric teachings. Her partner, Michael Richardson is a tantra and tai chi teacher, specializing in couple relationships and sexuality from the tantric dimension.
Both propose a new way of understanding love, rooted in clarity and presence, and help couples from all over the world through their workshops, conferences and books “to build a full and luminous relationship, with greater doses of love. , intimacy, conscience and satisfaction ”, as they explain.
The Richardsons differentiate love, which they define as “a state of overflowing joy whose source is our being and an ever-present event”, from emotions, which they say “rise and fall.”
Explaining that, in those moments of disconnection in which “we stop being in love with our partner, what we experience is a rise in our emotional level.”
A feeling is different from an emotion
They also point out that feelings are different from emotions: “the former emerge in the present moment and lead to an inner experience of connection, while the latter are rooted in the past, arise as a whirlwind and represent our feelings not expressed with previously that, over time, accumulate ”.
They point out that “we live convinced that love is fickle and unstable, it fluctuates and we are at its mercy, but we have a basic tool to make our love easier: self-awareness.”
They refer to paying attention and being aware of what is happening in our senses (in our body here and now) and how the present moment affects us.
“Thanks to this, it is more likely that we can transmit and receive truthful information in our relationship as a couple, instead of behaving from our emotions, which can have immense destructive power,” they indicate.
How to maintain a more harmonious relationship
These are some of the communicative and relational suggestions from Diana and Michael Richardson, which can help us maintain a more harmonious relationship and facilitate love, and which they expand on in their new book ‘Love Manual’:
1.- The intention behind your communication
Be aware of what you say. Ask yourself “Why did I say this? What am I saying? How am I saying it? Think before you speak and analyze the intention of your words.
Avoid “emotional darts” or hurtful comments intended to provoke, which will spread negativity to your partner and, if you have thrown one, immediately take responsibility by acknowledging it.
2.- Accept your partner as he is
Either you love her as she is or you don’t love her. Don’t try to change her to fit your ideal person scheme.
If you want to relax and keep love, learn to accept. When we say ‘no’ to the situation, we get tense and emotional; When we say ‘yes’ and accept things as they are, we can relax and enjoy life.
3.- Listen and speak through your heart, not your mind
Listen with an open and receptive heart, with an attentive attitude, what your partner communicates to you. Don’t be too quick to answer, justify or defend yourself.
Show interest in what that person tells you, invite them to open up and share more with you. Listening is a rare quality and meeting someone who does is a gift.
4.- Express your needs; ask what you want
Often our emotions are activated because our “needs” are not met. Don’t wait for your partner to guess what you want or need, or when you need it.
We are more likely to get what we want if we ask clearly, but many people find it difficult to do so because their pride or ego prevents them.
5.- Talk about yourself and not about the other person
If you are talking about the other person ask yourself: does this concern me or her? Take care of your affairs and it will be easier for you to be happy with your partner.
Avoid saying these types of phrases at all costs: “I think that you …”, “You always …” or “You never …”.
6.- Express what you feel
Don’t be afraid that the other person will reject you for sharing your most intimate feelings, or for being honest and sincere.
When you express how you feel or what you feel in the purity of it, you communicate directly from heart to heart and ‘touch’ the other person, who usually responds by opening, not closing.
7.- Communicate from the present moment
Talk about what you feel in your body, your heart and your soul, which are our bridges with the present, the place where we discover our authentic feelings and sensibilities.
Most of us talk about the thoughts that go through our heads and we are absent from the present because we are busy thinking and we are rarely connected with our senses at this very moment.